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[Sunday April 24th, 2005 11:28pm]
New one.


four::underscores.


friend me, yo. (:
1 fell for meLove me??

This is what living like this does. [Sunday March 20th, 2005 8:18pm]
Friends only now.






That's what you get.



So comment if you want to be a part of my emo-esque life.
9 fell for meLove me??

[Sunday March 20th, 2005 12:08pm]
[ mood | people suck. ]

It's hard to say what it is that I see in you.
Wonder if I'll always be with you.
Words can't say it,
I can't do
Enough to prove
It's all for you.
^Sister Hazel rocks out loud. Oh-em-eff-gee.

So yesterday was cool. I got seventy bucks for babysitting. Neato.

They're playing that song from Napoleon Dynomite on the radio right now. That "some say love..." song. It just reminds me how cynical I'm feeling at the moment. People. *scoff*

Festival was lame on Friday. I saw a few of the Kell kids. That was the best part. The only good part. Oh, and there was this guy that looked EXACTLY like Conor Oberst. Except he had redish-brownish hair. Wow. I gawked at him for a while. And then I was happy.

So I found out that Jessica thinks I'm a hoe-bag. Haha. Me. A hoe-bag. That's a good one, Jessica. Ahhhhhhhhh, just shut the hell up and never talk to me or about me again. Oh, and feel free to SO take me off your friend's list. Like I'd give a damn. Just leave me the hell alone.

See. Extremely cynical.

Love me??

We don't see eye to eye. [Saturday March 19th, 2005 3:37pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

My breasts are growing! 36B, bitch!

5 fell for meLove me??

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. [Thursday March 17th, 2005 7:25pm]
[ mood | I HAVE TO PEE. ]

I have to pee. Desperately. But I wrote this poem and wanted to put it on here before that.

Fall to your knees—
I’ll tie them down tight,
no pretty bows this time;
it’s all about the triple knots—
say sorry to me,
begging me please
to agree to agree
to never mind the debris
the baggage, you see?
the heart breaking spree?
current ecstasy?
(or the lack thereof)
the constant pleas?
please don’t leave.
we fit like a glove
(or used to.)
what happened to us?
we only fuss.
only worry.
what’s the hurry?
we both know the answer:
you’ll be off
(scurry, scurry)
to clear your eyes
(blurry, blurry)
say goodbye
with a hint of fury.
imposed with a sigh.
I can’t deny
it like I used to,
I thought, come July
your hand on my thigh,
that maybe your reply
would be more than a lie.
say it to the sky.
the stars will believe you
this time.
Because I can’t rely
on a guy
that would make me bleed—
wrists are shreds,
heart is misled,
tears are crimson red—
until I die.

^ meeeee!
5 fell for meLove me??

Nights like this are never-ending. [Wednesday March 16th, 2005 9:01pm]
[ mood | I dunno. ]

You're the one thing that I tried to hold onto,
But you were slick with cruel words.
My hands became calloused from beating them away.
Multiply and attack again.
There's no hope in this.
^ Moi. Doesn't rhyme, but whatev.

So today was alright. It wasn't terrible or anything. Bleh.

Tomorrow's St. Patrick's day! Ahh! I'm gunna go all out. My fingernails are neon green right now. Pretty, pretty cool. I'm muy, muy pumped. Whoo hoo!

That's about it. Yeah.

Love me??

How could I end up in the hands of someone else? [Tuesday March 15th, 2005 5:53pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Today blew. It blew so hard. I fucking fought with Shawn via text messages in second/third period. What the hell is that? I mean, what the hell?! Ugh. I'm so peeved right now.

I got a fucking 71 on my biology project.

Yeah, I'm swearing 'cause I don't give a fuck today. I'm upset.

I wrote this a little earlier today.

Not again.
Hard to pretend.
One more time
I try to defend.
Try to mend
the heart you broke,
dearest friend.
You didn’t intend,
but you did extend
the pain of this
until the end.
Because this is the end.
Don’t try to send
me virtual “I care”s
or condescending glares
that seem to declare
that this was an affair.
The heir to this tear.
Sorry, I’ll spare
you the trouble
of one prayer,
‘cause that’s unfair
of me,
of you,
of her.
Of me.
This is where
it all went wrong,
giving me power
to end this sour
“just good friends”
jam
we’re always in.
Happy as a clam
to end this scam.
(Like you'd give a damn)
I can’t pretend
Like it’s not the end.
It’s the end.
The end.
The
End.
^all me.

*Pulls our hair* this is the most frustrating thing I've ever endured. It's so cliche` too. I mean, pretty girl trying to win guy over, but guy's already in another relationship, leads pretty girl on, lets pretty girl down. Ugh...

1 fell for meLove me??

"I like it when you're happy." [Sunday March 13th, 2005 2:59pm]
[ mood | upset. period. ]

So drama really sucks, huh? Especially boy drama. I'm sorry, I know all of this sucks, but I'm gunna insert some one-liners from (old school) TBS right here. Let's just go song by song, mmk? This is going to be a rather lengthy entry... PS: I'm skipping "You Know How I Do."

Bike Scene:
-
I wanna hate you so bad
But I can't (but I can't) stop this
anymore than you can
-
So honestly, how could you say those things
when you know they don't mean anything?
Cute Without the "E" (Cut From the Team):
-
You're such a sucker for a sweet talker.
-
this all was only wishful thinkin
(the only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back)
-Hopin' for the best is hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me
-Why can't I feel anything from anything from
Anyone other than you?
-
she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else
There's No "I" In Team:
-If we go down, we go down together.
-
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me
-
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable
-
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
-
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
that you always had it way too easy
Great Romances of the 20th Century:
-
But I love the way you’d roll
excuses off the tip of your tongue
as I slowly fall apart (slowly, quietly, slowly)
fall apart
-I never said I'd take this lying down.
-You always come close, but you never come easy.
Ghost Man on Third:
-
It's times like these, where silence means everything
And no one is to know about this
-
It's a campaign of distraction
-It's a shame that I don't think that they'll notice.
-Don't let me down.
-This is what livin' like this does
Timberwolves at New Jersey: (just this entire song... means everything right now...)
-
Literate and stylish (literate and stylish)
Kissable and quiet (kissable and quiet)
Well that's what girls dreams are made of.
-
What will it take
to make you admit that you were wrong?
-Was his demise so carefully constructed?
Well let's just say I got what I wanted
-
This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eye through the scope
down the barrel of a gun (gun,gun)
Remind me not to ever act this way again
This is you trying hard to
make sure that you're seen
With a girl on your arm
and your heart on your sleeve
Remind me not to ever think of you again
Blue Channel:
-
Just hit the lights before you leave
you know, the million things you had to say
sorry just, just might have found it's way in there
-
And you're so guilty it's disgusting
You're So Last Summer:
-
And all I need to know
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
-
I'll do what I got to, the truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
-
Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
-
Maybe I should hate you for this
(If only you knew half as much as you pretend to)
Head Club:
-
I can’t say I blame you
but I wish that I could

8 fell for meLove me??

I starve, I starve for you [Saturday March 12th, 2005 4:05pm]
[ mood | last night sucked. ]

So Dashboard's pretty depressing when you're already feeling low. "Standard Lines" and "Best Deceptions" are sort of hard to listen to, and those are two of my favorite songs by them... I guess you'd have to hear the songs and know what's going on right now to get it. Ugh.

Anyway, I feel like an over-emotional piece of crap right now.

I'm a terrible friend.
If you get the chance, never talk to me again.
You know, avoid the drama.
That sounds pretty good to me.
. . . . . . .
Things are so, so awkward right now.
I'm always starting conversations
With no meaning or significance.
I just want to talk to you,
But you always can't.
Always sending invitaions,
But you always decline.
You've seemed to refine
The art of breaking hearts.

So yeah. Whatev. I'm sort of upset right now, but I'm going to see Stefi, Gabi, and KT tonight, which is very cool. Last night was tramatic though. A night I could have done without for many, many reason.

1 fell for meLove me??

But if you want me back, you're gunna have to ask nicer than that. [Friday March 11th, 2005 11:29am]
[ mood | i need to doooo sometihng. ]

So I'm bored. How pathetic is it that it's Friday... no school... and I have nothing to do. Nothing but laundry. And thinking. And writing. And biology, I guess, though I'd rather do the first three than that.

the end.

Love me??

Look over your shoulder. I'll be there, I'll be there [Thursday March 10th, 2005 9:36pm]
[ mood | -sigh- ]

Softball=neat. Played Holly's team. Raped them. ((: Holly's a good pitcher, however. Mad props. I have a bruize on my knuckle and don't know why.

And I'm aching right now. I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I have butterflies, I know that much. But maybe they aren't butterflies. Maybe I'm just insanely upset... Well anyway, this song is upsetting:

Two roads...Split off from here, and my life goes running in opposite directions.
Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be.

I wanted to be that breath of fresh air, When everything smelled so insincere.
But this taste still lingers in my mouth, Deceit has ways of sticking around.
And I'm ready to disappear, Vacation seems far...From here.

Note to self: I miss you terribly.
This is what...We call a tragedy.
Come back to me, Come back to me, To me.
Note to self: I miss you terribly.
This is what...We call a tragedy.
Come back to me, Back to me, To me.

I can feel my mind, wandering again.
Into where I dont know, and will I ever get home?
Time starts moving, faster than I can.
And I'm sick of this scene, I need to break the routine.

I can feel my mind, wandering again.
Into where I dont know, and will I ever get home?
Time starts moving, faster than I can.
And I'm sick of this scene, I need to break the routine.

Two roads...Split off from here, and my life goes running in opposite directions.
Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be.

:/

7 fell for meLove me??

And I can't slow down for no one. [Thursday March 10th, 2005 4:24pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I was Xtreme giddy today. Yes, Xtreme. So it was pretty cool.

Lit was so much fun. I felt really dumb having a fourteen-page paper when everyone else had, ya know, seven. But we did some peer editing, and, since mine was extra long, I had to read mine last in our group. By the time I was nearing the end, everyone else was done and fixated on me. Of course, this was towards the end of my story:

.... [Dr. Bishop, the plastic surgeon] "Well, we'll need to take some fat from your stomach and fill it into your lip and--"
"I have plenty of that!" I joked.
"Well it's good you've been cultivating it!"
That asshole just called me fat! Mother f---er! I'm gunna f--- him up! I thought, except my thoughts weren't censored.

So yeah... Mr. DiFazio was nearly on the floor. I felt pretty good. I kind of stood around for a minute or two and talked to him about how I could shorten it up. I sure do love that guy. He's pure awesomeness. He makes me feel good about my writing, etc. Jordan read all of it in geometry second period and said she loooooved it. I suppose that's where the giddiness started.

Stefi: What do you call a redneck in a fancy suit?
Me: WHAT?!
Stefi: ''Mr. President.''

*giggle* Gotta love us Canadians, eh? ((((:

Well, gotta run to get ready for softball. First game of the season (that I've been to)!!! Wish me lots of luuuck.

1 fell for meLove me??

"best friends" make even better ENEMIES. [Tuesday March 8th, 2005 10:25pm]
[ mood | EXTREMELY peeved. ]

This is, like, five days in a row that I've updated two times a day. This is unhealthy.

I think I'm going to stop eating. Go on that Cadbury Mini Egg diet with Liz. Now that's healthy.
I wonder if being underweight is cool. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Should I give that little prose thing about "Blue to Red makes Hug" to Mr. DiFazio to put in the new Vox?
Or that poem about boys?
Or neither?

I'm going to go off on a tangent right about now. Nobody wants to hear about teenage-guilt-trip drama. You know why? Nobody cares if you "sobbed yourself to sleep last night" because nobody loves you. Shut the hell up. Being civil to an ex-boy/girlfriend is unhealthy, in my opinion. They are your EX because you no longer have mutual feelings for each other... THAT'S THE POINT OF BREAKING UP! And how can one be so sulky when one has a "great boyfriend," who isn't too great anymore because one corrupts them into being EMO AND DUMB. Don't sick your boy/girlfriend on one of your friends/enemies if you are fighting with them. Your friend/enemy will simply think less of you. Trust me. It's happened to me, and I hate both of the people in that particular relationship. Knowing them both is a hassle now. That's pretty bad, wouldn't you agree? I'm about to drop an F-bomb.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, JESSICA. Get your emotions--and your boyfriend-- under control. I swear to god, if either of you bother me with your fucking teenage-bullshit drama, I will cause to much emotional damage, that I won't have to even cause physical damage 'cause you'll go home and do it to yourself. Christ!

*Two minutes later* 4735 + (bite your lip)
^Yeah. Four thousand seven hundred thirty-five comments. Two minutes from now.

3 fell for meLove me??

Everything is lonely. I can be my own best friend. [Tuesday March 8th, 2005 5:45pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I said, "Insane in the membrane!" today when I was driving 'cause this guy was flying down this backroad ahead of me. So I started singing this song... "Theeeere heeee goooes! There he goes again! Flying down the road! And I don't understaaand... How he can go so faaast DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH!!" Etc. etc. My mom thought I was on drugs. "You know, there's a campagne agaist drugs in America," she said to me. I flipped her the birdie.

Anybody that saw me today... did I look extra hot or something? I was walking to lunch from second period today, and this guy came out of doors by the gym/500 hall, and he turned back and looked at me for a second, kind smiled, and kept walking ahead of me. I was kind of like, "*looks down to make sure boobs aren't hanging out, then realizes that my boobs could never hang out. EVER.*" And then my dad called while I was at Kroger, so I went outside to talk to him, and I was leaning against one of those brick columns. This guy walked out, stared at me for a moment, smiled and was all, "Heeeeey..." I was thinking, "This is odd... but okay... *nods at dude*."

OH! And I had to go through the drive-thru at Wendy's, and when I was ordering, I thought the guy said something, so I said, "Escuse me?" And he as all, "I didn't say anything..." When I pulled up, I nearly DIED. He was fantastic. My eyes nearly melted into the back of my head. Whenever he asked me something or talked to me, we were just staaaaaring at each other. So I feel pretty awesome right now.

Tomorrow's Wednesday, and I'm not even SORT OF done with my Creative Non-Fiction dealy. Ohhh noooooo. I still need to write him a preposal!!!! AHHHHH! I just thought about that! I have so much freakin' homework tonight! Geometry (that I'm not going to do because I "accidentally" left my book in my locker), two articles for InFocus, rewrite my TKAM essay for lit, lit sentences (but I already did nine of them in geomtry today, so it'll only take me half a second to finish thought), finish chaper three of A Separate Peace, and study for biology. What's the deal? They're loading us up because we don't have to work on Friday.

Blahg, I guess I'd better get to work then.

7 fell for meLove me??

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you!!! [Monday March 7th, 2005 6:48pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I have some great friends. This entry varies from the last one about my great friends because Ryan's not on here. But Bianka still is! Oh yes!

Stefi: sifdsjdklf
Stefi: that would be my feelings right now
Stefi: sarcastic, insane, fat, demanded, stupid, jellyish, distracted, killing for mangofest, loved, freaked

Bianka: I drove Liz home today.
Bianka: We talked about you some.
Me: Reeeaaally?
Bianka: We were both like, "Oh, man, Kelly's so freakin' awesome. She's super cool."
Bianka: Me: Did you know...that she's Canadian?
Bianka: Liz: Pshh, yeah.
Bianka: Me: ...That's so cool!

See what I mean?!

Love me??

We might as well be strangers. [Monday March 7th, 2005 4:20pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

-General info-
1. Name?
2. Age?
3. Grade?
4. Hair color?
5. Eye color?
6. Athetic abilities, IE "I'm an awesome runner!"?
7. Sports?
8. Instruments?
9. Lover of life?
10. Lover of love?

-What's, Who's, and Why the hell are you asking's-
11. Who is your best friend?
12. Who/what makes you laugh?
13. Are you/have you been "in love"?
14. If so, with whom?
15. What kind(s) of music to you listen to?
16. What's your favorite band/artist?
17. What's your favorite subject in school (lunch doesn't count!)?
18. Has your heart ever been broken?
19. If so, why/how/by whom?
20. What's your favorite piece of literature (book, poem, short story, etc.)?

-What if's-
21. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
22. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Physical or otherwise.
23. If you  could meet one celebrety, who would it be?
24. If you could change one thing about the world in general, what would it be?
25. If you had the chance to un-know someone, who would it be? Be honest.
26. If you could bang anyone in the world, who would it be?
27. If you had the chance, would you change something about your past? If so, what?
28. If you had the chance, would you want to see your future?
29. If the love of your life that didn't know you existed died, would you A: never love again, B: wait a long, long while to get into another relationship though you would let nothing get serious because you're still aching, or C: move on right away, either to get your mind off of him/her, you can't go half a second without a boy/girlfriend, or you're a shallow asshole?
30. If you thought that last question was too long, would you hold it against me? I dunno..

Okay. I felt that I had to do it. Fill it out, kids. Let me know. -shrugs-


7 fell for meLove me??

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